The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
