omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Randomize
