I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
how drunk are you?
Several
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Randomize
