if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
