This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
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