We need to start having sex underwater more often.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
Randomize
