I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
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As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
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chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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