Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
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