please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
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