We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
Randomize
