Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
Randomize
