After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
Randomize
