My room smells like vodka and shame
I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
Randomize
