somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
Randomize
