Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
