My girlfriend figured out who you are.
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
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