I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
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