i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
Randomize
