My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
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