Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
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