Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
Randomize
