Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
