Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
Randomize
