What a fucking waste of an outfit
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
Randomize