It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
Randomize
