What a fucking waste of an outfit
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
Randomize
