mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
how do flat chested girls get laid?
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
