I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
Randomize
