The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
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