shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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