Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
Randomize
