if i can run in heels then i can drive
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
