y did u give ur computer a hand job?
well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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