Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
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