i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
