I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
Randomize
