At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
Randomize
