he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
21 Embarrassing Stories From Adults Who’ve Crapped Their Pants
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
21 People Confess What It’s Really Like At An Orgy
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!