yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.