there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
well, you know. whores of a feather.