I intend to get homeless drunk
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.