i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
i just google imaged poop.
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
