I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.