not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
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