We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
