I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
So much rum. So many feels.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Randomize
