it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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