Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
did i walk over a car last night?
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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