So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
Randomize
