I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
