in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
Randomize
