he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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