so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
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