you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Randomize
