I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
