He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize
