You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Randomize
