stop calling my apartment porn island.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
Randomize
