Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Randomize
