3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
Randomize
