we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Randomize
