Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
