so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Randomize
