it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
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