Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
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