pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
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