Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
I could make wine with my vomit
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
Randomize
