Have you finally orgasmed yet?
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
He felt like a one man threesome
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
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