Screwed.edu
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
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