I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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