i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
Randomize