ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
Randomize
