You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
im having a threesome with these popsicles
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
Randomize
