Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
