my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
Randomize
